100,000 Little Pieces

Life is a puzzle.  And so is mine.  On the surface it has been a long time since the trajectory of my life made much sense.  Yet it is has been a daily jigsaw of pieces working with disjointed serendipity toward a meaningful tableau.  I have known a barrage of competing purposes and an endless stream of doubts.  Forced by economic reality to move on from entrepreneurship, I assumed the role of manager.  I excelled.  I resented.  The hop-scotch advance across the roles of retail functionary was fun but ultimately dysfunctional.  I loved the people with which I worked but I loathed the people I served.  Not really, but the line between service and slavish became harder to find. 

City dreams collided with hometown nightmares.  Park concerts meant less when juxtaposed with clinic infusions.  The nuances of the perfect burger gave way to the needs of the perfect niece.   Life has a way of focusing even the most distracted of observers.  And so I am back in Montana.  With the biggest of puzzles. 

I was pulled here by family to be sure, but captured by opportunity as usual.  Opportunity to pursue that which has always aided my success and literally filled my empty spaces:  writing.  Years of employing words to my advantage and plying prose for fun, have given way to a much greater undertaking.  I mean to write a novel. 

I still recoil instinctively from the notion of putting so much on the line.  Of saying plainly, "I will write a book."  But here I am.  I can do no other. 

Which brings me back to my puzzle.  This Christmas finally, gloriously at home after the realities of retail had seen so many holidays put asunder, called for more than Christmas cookies and meat trays.  I decided on a puzzle.  Originally I thought it would be a group activity.  And so it was by the minimum definition.  Yet it was I who rose early and finished late.  I who strained my vision and chewed my cheek.

In the end the puzzle gained greater meaning and was immortalized as a framed work on my wall.  But regardless of how long the image hangs, the implication will live on.  The 750 pieces of the puzzle had consumed me.  It had overpowered my will and demanded my attention.  Now I embark on a bigger challenge.  A 100,000 word puzzle which demands
unbelievable attention and every measure of devotion.  On December 26th there lay bare for everyone to see an unfinished puzzle, perhaps 300 or so pieces to go.  Today there lay before me an unfinished story, perhaps 80,000 or so words to go.  Game on.